hotel room ftw
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
