I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
