dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
