When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I want a musical about memes.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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