He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
