cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
