The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
