im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
