omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
handjob tips. give me some.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
