R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
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