i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
