you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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