maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
