Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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