we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Sext me about skeletons
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
