I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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