The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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