i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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