She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
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