wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
love makes seman taste better
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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