listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize