This dress was meant to end up on your floor
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
