Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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