Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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