If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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