My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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