im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
