My room smells like vodka and shame
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
