Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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