Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Randomize
