Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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