So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
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He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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