i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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