why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
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