there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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