Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
