this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
