Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
