I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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