you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
