Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
