I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
