i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
where are you?
Hypothermia
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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