I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize