I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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