I want to have your abortion
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
