i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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