WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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