Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
