i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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