im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
