We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize