1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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