you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
