Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
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After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
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NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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