A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
