Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
