About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Less talking, more tequila
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
