i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
