I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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