If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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