I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
