I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
