So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
