if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
