My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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