Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
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I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
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For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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