I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm jealous of your bromance
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
