I accidentally had phone sex last night
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
