I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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