how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
