I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
