You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
